Now, I know I promised I would not blog about drippage, and I won’t. However, I have not been able to breathe properly now through the nose for about 2 weeks due to congestion…yeah I know the SMART thing to do would be visit the doctor. Instead I suffer, what we women do best. We are selfless. I have made about 20 doctor appointments this month alone for my children for their various illnesses and yet when it comes to my own well being, for whatever reason I play the martyr. Unless of course I am either doubled over in pain or bleeding profusely. THEN and only then is it a red flag for this dummy-head.
Now, I am in a grumpy stuffed up place. Not fun. None of these medicines that offer relief of nasal congestion seem to be working and Sudafed makes me feel like I’m having a heart attack so since I am not in the mood for that, the box is just staying there collecting dust.
Time travel: 14 yrs ago.
During our blissful first year of marriage we lived in Washington D.C. and tried to think of all these get-rich-quick ideas. We had patent lawyer friends that were but a phone call away and we thought, if we could just think of one awesome invention, we’d be rich! We came up with some of the most ridiculous and unprofitable ideas according to our close friends so we eventually gave up and started working at temp. agencies because everyone knows that’s where the big bucks are! Now, had I suffered from this extreme case of sinusitis at that time I may have had this amazing invention and been eating bon-bons today. May I present:
The Sniffer Flux Capacitor.
A revised version. A mini version that is surgically placed in your nasal cavity.
See diagrams A and B respectively for exact clarification and placement.
Now according to Wikipedia,
“Anatomically, a nose is a protuberance in vertebrates that houses the nostrils, or nares, which admit and expel air for respiration in conjunction with the mouth. Behind the nose are the olfactory mucosa and the sinuses. Behind the nasal cavity, air next passes through the pharynx, shared with the digestive system, and then into the rest of the respiratory system. In humans, the nose is located centrally on the face”.
Everyone knows what a regular flux capacitor is. It is a device that enables time travel. But in case you need more, a flux capacitor is a modern technological generator and it fails to work within reason. Now there is a whole lot of science that gets technical with the cosmos, magnetic field and something to do with atoms and maybe the breakdown of protons and generally the main power source needs plutonium in order for it to activate.
“Another popular theory is that the flux capacitor doesn’t do anything, it only creates the illusion of having a function. This, therefore, creates the moral dilemma of a malfunctioning flux capacitor; Is the capacitor really broken, or is it merely our inner minds, our subconscious, trying to express something meaningful about ourselves? “
If only I had studied philosophy in college.
This is all well and good and informative but how do these things relate to one another? I’m glad you asked. IF I am stuffed up, and having a hard time breathing, is it a mind over matter issue? Or perhaps all along subconsciously I am blocking myself from something important…like figuring out how to create a really cool prototype. Obviously some details need to be worked out since I can’t imagine a time where plutonium would be good for the nasal cavity. BUT if we could create this invention, the point would be that we could time travel to the point where there was no stuffiness and we could think clearly.
Boy I wish I had one now. This post seems, on one hand like it makes perfect sense, then on the other, so fabulously muddled. Is there a message from today’s offering? Aah, yes. Always read the back of the box when taking medications. Reread the section that indicates side effects. May cause hallucinations or weird thoughts in a dream like state, or mental confusion are serious warnings. I am fairly certain the medication I am currently on is causing this bizarre rant.
Nevertheless, if I did in fact have my invention, whether or not my congestion was real OR I was trying to work something out through subconsciously, I’d be able to breathe deeply. Through my nares.
Oh right, the message: Don’t do drugs.