Hiding My Lima Beans

 

Beans Beans Their Good For Your Heart…ok, ok, you know the rest.

Today is mostly about the lima bean; certainly the worst of all beans. Ew.  Lima beans are icky.  They shouldn’t be served to children for any reason as a vegetable alternative. These little green waxy beans should be banned from all airplane meals and hospitals for goodness sakes, the person is already ill.

As a child growing up in a house where vegetables were served from a can or frozen bag of Veg-All, we were not allowed to leave the table until all our food was finished and we became “members of the clean-plate club”.  I’d sit at the dining room table long after everyone else,  staring at those lima beans. Clearly you can see from the labels I found that they had not changed their design since 1926 either. Waxy dark green balls were peas, waxy yellow “teeth” was corn to me, and carrots were cubed and a bit spongy- that was just weird.  The worst part was that there were lima beans added and I had to get creative where to hide them so that I could leave the table. My tush would get numb and in the summer months, the backs of my thighs would stick to the plasticized seat. We all know what that means, the longer you sit the louder and more painful that suctioned release would be.

Of my favorite hiding places there was the disposable napkin, the pocket of my jeans or skirt, and the very sneaky (stuffed into the cavity of the) chicken bone left on my plate. I’m not a big animal lover but I wished for dogs on those days. We also had family dinners in the dining room so everyone knew I’d be there all myself at the end. I’d be pushing the beans from one side of the plate to the other until I either forced them down or found ways to chop them small enough and shmear them to either the leftover skin of the chicken or the bone itself, I was so desperate.

I never remember seeing broccoli or cauliflower or spinach. The first time I even experienced the brussel sprout was in college when my friend cooked them in salted butter, YUMMMMMY. Sweet potatoes were on commercials during Thanksgiving season and regular white potatoes were for fried potato kugel that my dad would make for shabbos or my mom would use to mash and put on top of meatloaf. he Harvard School of Public Health states that potatoes — which many people consider a vegetable — actually do not count toward your daily recommended servings of vegetables. When choosing vegetables, keep in mind that, in general, brightly colored vegetables are higher in nutrients than less vivid choices.” Now I feel guilty for depriving myself of those bright beans!

Sure, there were tons of foods I wouldn’t eat as a child, even today I still struggle with tomatoes. They are just.so.snotty. Why would G-d even create such a thing? Why the goop?? What’s with people and jiggly stuff? Why do people eat anything jiggly? And, now I begin to see why some of my children have sensory issues, hmm. Don’t get me near fishlettes, jello, puddings and custards. Keep away if you’re gonna’ slurp out the tomato goo. I can tolerate mousse and barely whipped cream and I’ll suffer through getting the gelled cranberry out of a can.

My grandmother used to make jello molds that would have fruit-cup pieces suspended sort of in the middle of the mold. I even thought about adding a picture I found online where someone made a dessert of blue jello with blueberries suspended just to give you an idea but I gagged while looking at it. Don’t get me wrong, I love my gramma, and I love when people use ingredients creatively. I used to watch the Food Network from 8am-5pm when I was on maternity leave and I am a huge foodie. I just can’t get past certain things, like fruit stuck inside a jiggly-mass or waxy beans I guess. As long as we’re on this topic of “Foods That Gross Me Out” what in heaven’s name (stupid phrase btw I mean, isn’t “Heaven” heaven’s name? but I digress) is up with flan?!?!? I have the hee-bee-jee-bees just thinking about it.

Keep Reading Kids – Farmer Cheri Is Going To Teach Us A Lesson:

Over the years I’ve gotten more exposure to various vegetables and certainly now that I am living in Israel have started using seasonal veggies that in America I never would have looked at. Eggplant and zucchini seem to be a staple here (even though they are technically fruit) and I am the first to absolutely, without a doubt, judge a book by it’s cover (dumb saying that I use all the time). I  am still completely too intimated to buy an artichoke (NOT technically a veggie or a fruit – it’s considered a flower – I just heard the nerd alert go off in my head) and have yet in my life to buy one. That goes for asparagus as well which look just like stretched out artichokes,no? I think rutabagas and turnips are the same things. I’ve seen rhubarb (never bought it) and I know people in California eat avocados (even though technically those are fruits as well) but this was a first for me, and by-golly we liked it! We get various forms of gourd-like options and I’ve even bought leeks (by accident…but used it!) There is a vegetable that I have not bought because I honestly don’t even know where to begin and there is nothing gooey or waxy about it. It looks like this:and I just learned it’s called fennel. Today if I really wanted to I could just go on YouTube or HERE and watch a tutorial, but I feel like I’m still not missing out on much. Perhaps on a rainy day there will be a fennel soup or salad in my future.

Getting Back to Beans: I’m not a complete hater. I like kidney beans, green beans, white beans, baked beans but NEVER black beans. They’re sooo dark. Remember the post when I said I was afraid of everything? Let’s add black beans to that list. I even enjoy the coffee bean, but only since I hit my 30’s. Fava beans look like soy beans and soybeans are great! As long as you don’t overload ladies, I hear they can give your little girls a mustache!  Okay that was only a small bit of the whole “SOY IS EVIL” campaign, but I thought it was the funniest tidbit.

I always got caught hiding my lima beans and inevitably was forced to swallow them down, gagging all the way. Why did our parents force us to eat things we found disgusting because it  was “good for us”? More importantly, when did I become my mom and start making my children taste sauteed zucchini with, “because I told you so’s” and “it’s good for you even if it’s a bit slimy” came out of my mouth?

If I really wanted to torture my kids regarding vegetables I’d make them watch this video that was made for children learning English (I may force myself to create my own vegetable song for kids trying to learn English after hearing it). It’s only 7+ minutes long (what teacher on the planet thinks that kids have that long of an attention span?) where someone with the screen-name, peoplelikenerds, posts that this song is ‘catchy’. Note to self: ‘catchy’ now means, this song is just as annoying if not more than the <I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves> song. The good thing to come out of watching this educational video might be the new way I pronounce the word carrot. Kah-rutt. I think we all should.

 

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3 comments

  1. well since you are open to comments I’d like to say that I love your posts -they are superbly entertaining and make me miss the “cheri daily doses” from the Gruss office – You should know – I NEVER met anyone that has the same issue with jellied things – I cant understand why ANYONE would touch jello, hard boiled eggs, those jelly candies, or anything else with that awful consistency…. Glad to find a fellow hater 🙂

  2. fennel. Couldn’t help but be curious when I noticed your post about fennel in Gman’s blog as I just was working on that section in one my new books coming out on Tuesday on Kindle about fennel. Here’s a clue and I bet you’ll want to read it when it comes out (it’ll be free for about 5 days). It’s number 3 in a series of four books on The Chemistry of Love & Sex and the new title will be “Aphrodisiacs & Supplements”. 😉

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