WSOW – 9/6/12 – SuperStretchies

Well, hello fellow lovers of Weird Stuff on Wednesdays…no, I didn’t forget :). I’m just a bit delayed with this post because I started biting off more than I can chew…also that doesn’t help with the fact that I named myself “Chubby” but oh well, some thing you just can’t change!

While discussing Weird Stuff on Wednesdays my friend mentioned this to me…the Spiderman bicycling outfit.

The company also sells in a Batman design for all those who are dying to add these pieces to their spandex collection! Phew, I know!

Seriously, it’s bad enough that it just hugs and grabs in the most intimate places but to purposely wear the added attraction of being a superhero on a bike – (which is basically ridiculous because superheros can fly  – why would they need a bike) flashing their business? NOT everyone can pull of spandex. See?

I told you so.

EXCEPTION TO THE RULE: I won’t post a picture of Nacho Libre – even though he’s awesome, because Jack Black is exactly that, awesome, and hello people – he’s a comedian – that’s what he does for a living, he will wear spandex-y stuff and act silly to make people laugh. It’s not meant to be worn out in public. Unless, you ARE a superhero (or completely insane)- then feel free, if you must, you must.

I am not alone, it’s even mentioned in their blog, The Blog of Bad, which I started following because well it’s honest and really funny.

So I know I am not the only one.

I understand that it helps with wind reduction and thus increasing one’s speed…again not sure why superheros need to be FASTER than the speed of light. KnowhatI’msayin’? That seems pretty fast to me. As for weightlifters, bicyclists and runners? Pick a new trend…for the sake of the people, please?

Okay, so while I am on the weird and stretchy – Halloween is coming up and masks ALWAYS frighten me. Yes, I know it’s not REALLY Ronald Regan – I still think it’s weird that you come around knocking for a mini Snickers bar looking like him. It’s weird and scary and quite honestly it FREAKS ME OUT!

Stretchy masks + anyone = you better go away from me.

They call this on the left The jigsaw killer saw puppet mask. Is that from a movie that I would NEVER see? Who makes this stuff up? So disturbing.  And dude on the right is supposed to be Prince Charles. So ok, ok – the chap isn’t the best looking thing since sliced brie, but he looks better than this monkey version of him…yikes.

Better weird stretchy stuff include toys. Stretchy toys are so much fun – but yeah, WEIRD!

I am probably dating myself here when I thought of the Stretch Armstrong doll but let’s be honest, if they still sold it, I’d still buy it.  I do absolutely love that they made a modern version for kids today…which is hilayr – seriously. To stretch Homer Simpson would probably keep me entertained for a good hour at least.

All in all, I’d be happy. But I did find the perfect stretchy toy for little kids, the elderly and especially the Octomom.  If you don’t know who SHE is, you aren’t reading enough Star Magazine on your way out of the supermarket checkout lane.  Basically, she gave birth to 8 children

(well not all at once – that WOULD be so weird)…all with the same pregnancy.

May I present the Octoband. 

Each child, or granny can grab a hold of one end. Then I guess do stuff.

 See, here is a visual. A retired business man, a retired super heroine, her partner in crime who poses as an old man during their octo-routine, a retired old white man, a retired disco dancer, and a retired cowboy all using the octoband doing stuff on  what clearly is Thanksgiving because that’s when we eat Pumpkin (geotag: the window).

Of course I’m joking, this is clearly used for therapy purposes involving dance moves. Not weird at all. Very important to keep the joints moving, kids. Otherwise you may end looking like that dude above, overweight, wearing spandex posing as a black Spiderman. And that’s just weird.

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