C’mon Baby Light My Fire!

rubber ducky lighterIn lieu of yesterday’s post about bonfires, my mind started to wander. You know how the brain does that thing, where you end up 10 steps away from your original thought and then you’re left scratching your head…’hmm, how did I get here?’  Well, that’s how I ended up thinking about…ducks. Then duckies.

Let’s just say for argument’s sake that I was a fan of smoking, which I’m not for like a billion reasons. Assuming I wanted to be in the smoking crowd at work that goes up to the roof, would I want to impress my friends with a cool/unique/awesome lighter? Do smokers do this, I don’t even know.  BUT what I do know is something weird when I see it.  This duckie is a lighter – I guess blowing flames out of his head. 2 things come to mind. This design seems awfully juvenile for the smoking age allowed crowd. The other is, um the design leaves something to be desired, aren’t these  generally reserved for kids and their bath-time fun? Is this meant to be used – if so how would one take it with them? It seems kind of bulky.

This had me curious and cruising the internet for more weird lighters, some of these are so impractical! I’ll let you decide.camera lighter

The next one I found that peaked my interest was this camera lighter. If I were a smoking photographer and took my 10 minute break from the Bar Mitzvah – maybe I would buy this – its kitchy and in theory it can even be used as a walking ad. Not for smoking…I meant adding your name or logo as you shmoozed up more customers who went out as well. I still think the design is completely impractical. It’s so bulky, would smokers really want to lug this around?

 The frog lighter?

Oh wait – this one is classic: Happy Birthday Smoker – one year closer to keeling over from your asthmatic black lung thing…

While we are on the subject matter of health issues (were we? my crazy brain just went there)…I found a hot dog shaped lighter. This is exactly what I thought…

Iron Stylish Pistol Shape Butane Refillable Cigarette Cigar Lighter Copper

Oh ok, I get it! On a break from clogging up your arteries, have a smoke and quicken the pace to your inevitable doom.

So, as I scrolled through more idiotic designs and kitschy items I came across the most appropriate if not morbid lighter. It’s like a reminder, I think. The one shaped like a gun. Hey dummy! You’re killing yourself with that tobacco stick in your mouth – see how the gun points to you as you light it? It could not be more blatantly obvious. Or maybe not, because you have all that smoke in your eyes. Oh and then there’s this:

Smoking Can Lead to Vision Loss or Blindness

Eye Disease and Smoking:

Smoking has long been known to cause heart disease and lung cancer; however many people don’t realize that smoking can lead to vision loss. Studies show smoking increases the risk of age-related macular degeneration, cataracts, glaucoma and diabetic retinopathy and Dry Eye Syndrome. (taken from the New York State Department of Health website).

On to lighter things…get it? See how I did that, there…?

I like these 2 models- speaks to the men I think. Also, narrow enough to fit in a guy’s pocket without looking like he’s got something strange in there. The first one even looks classy. Not so ‘weird’, more unique.

But what about  the ladies you say? How can they class it up? This one is purr-ty. It’s got a cute kitty – which girls seem to like and not juvenile at all, *cough. But it may be too wide, ladies are always looking to slim down. So I found these:

And last but not least, I found this one that I thought was most ironic.

What is HONEST? Honestly, you’re going to die quicker using this product to smoke cigarettes. The product should read: DANGEROUS ITEM – that’s also honest.

Well so much for hypothetically speaking…we all now know my thoughts on smoking.

If you are planning on using your lighters for something other than smoking like starting the barbecue or igniting those romantic candles at the dinner table set for 2, then shop away!


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