The Day Of The Red Shirt

Even though members of my book club have already heard this story, I feel like one day, when the ol’ noodle fails me for good, these stories will be able to be passed down from generation to generation and my great-great-grandchildren will be able to say – 0h she was sooo silly! Here is my amazing mother blunder of the day:

Finally, I was going to make it to work on time. I had just enough time to drop “Paco” off at school and get on the highway and be at the office by 9. Yes, that is rare, because as most moms can relate, there’s always that delay due to the search for matching socks, or a meltdown about the crust left on one’s sandwich. Sure enough, I walk this guy into his class and see that EVERY.OTHER.CHILD is wearing a white shirt. Then the teacher sees my angel wearing his brightest, fuzziest, RED shirt and sort of does that slight head tilt with a disapproving blink. I can hear her inaudible sigh of impatience and the look – oy, the look – that says – yikes, this one again. She never gets it right.

red shirtPaco notices and looks up at me with a pursed frown and a mean squeeze of the hand that basically screams: MOOOOM how could you?!?

So I run home and search the laundry bin for the shirt he wore the day before because (naturally) all the other kids had to wear white shirts YESTERDAY!

I grab a pair of dark pants because heaven forbid, if he’s the ONLY one wearing khakis, I will never forgive myself. I run back and he makes me get into the eency bathroom stall to help him get changed. He’s so modest. While my elbows keep banging the walls as we tango trying to get his clothes off and on again, I sort of, maybe, let go of his coat and it landed on the toilet seat. So I gasp praying that it doesn’t reach the water, and he turns horrified, so upset he starts to cry that he’ll never ever wear it again until summer (it’s a wooly lumberjack zip-up – so I’m kinda’ like – yeah ok, no biggie). I show him that it didn’t get wet, but the screaming continues like I’m Gforbid hurting him…so I beg him to stop and make promises that I am forced to keep. I was so quick to say yes to anything as long as he didn’t get all booger-y and get those puffy red eyes for picture day! I begged him to be brave and not cry, that I wanted a beautiful happy picture-day-boy, since I have yet to get one of those. I usually get the grumpy-furrowed-brow-kid – youknowtheone…as if I were one of those moms, the skin-glowy, Vegan-flowy-skirt-wearing send him to school with whole wheat sandwiches stuffed with alfalfa sprouts for lunch, moms!

I’m not trying to be judgy, so I hope you aren’t either – but I’m the mom who grabs the smiley-face cookies with creme in the middle and sends him off with a chocolate pudding if it’ll stop the whining in the morning. (I do give him cream cheese sandwiches and cut apple slices too btw), also, my kids tend to be on the small side, so extra calories never hurts them. (justify, justify, justify).

Anyway – I can barely wait to see how the pictures come out. I was traumatized (and really late for work) but I can look back now and see the humor in the situation. But why do these things always seem to happen to me?!?

Advertisements