Weird Stuff on Wednesdays

Emergency Moustache Anyone?

I can’t help but laugh.

I’ve had a seriously busy last 2 weeks and this week isn’t any less hectic. Working 2 jobs, attempting to manage my children’s schedules with Judo, swimming lessons, packing my teenage son for a 2 day hike, speech therapy, prospective high school visits and the occasional scrub-down as I’d pass a particularly gross corner in my home I am pooped and craving the weekend.

But even with all THAT going on, I feel this is a must-have. I haven’t blogged in a while and as soon as I saw this particular item, and on WEDNESDAY no less, I knew I had to break for a few minutes to share my most recent finds. These are gems. WHO MAKES THESE THINGS UP????

Geniuses that’s who.

mustacheSo I present to you the Emergency Moustache. Yes, of course there must be an occasion when one thinks to themselves, “Oh Man! Where the heck is my moustache? This is a real emergency!”

Maybe guys like Tom Selleck or Ron Swanson would need this after a shaving mishap, but the general fellow (or worse, after my “research”, the occasional woman) would not need to keep one of these in their back pocket. In case I’m wrong you can purchase these for a mere £6.99.

pop-up cupAt a rave and realize the guy in front of you just got that last Red Solo cup – no worries. Now you can bring your own pop-up cup to the party! For the drinking emergency you know? What impresses the ladies more than this?

Oh wait, I know what does…women are generally attracted to those guys with the Macho ‘staches, as well as the man who carries his own cup to parties…but those “bad-boys” always get the ladies…

Sure enough any man wearing this t-shirt can’t possibly be single. The assumption is, if he is wearing the shirt, he must know. And anyone woman who has ever watched an episode of Prison Break surely knows how smart these jail-birds can be.

Jail tshirtPS. These shirts are not as funny as you think they are. Do not wear them unless you actually went to jail or look like Mr. Wentworth. (swoon)

love-gloveLastly, the very worst way a guy can profess his love for his main squeeze or aim to impress her with his creativity would be giving her the love glove. I can’t say whether this is the actual name for this product but it is what I would call it if I had created it, which I would never do – because it’s so weird and lame and well – dorky. Even though we fall for those guys all the time, gift giving and more importantly, impressing the ladies is a whole science. Actual science.  According to Business Insider, and this is no joke, there are actual reasons why some women react and are attracted to men.

Naturally women prefer men with a good sense of humor and a certain degree of personal grooming, not a rude shlub who hasn’t changed his socks in 3 days…just because. Wishing everyone a wonderful Wednesday, and here’s to hoping you find lots more things to keep you smiling.

If you find something on the internet you find funny, feel free to share it, let me know, and I’m sure others will too. Until next time…

Let’s Play: Name That Weird Product!

Or better yet, let’s name the newest invention on the market a really weird name…

Lately I have come across some pretty funny, albeit, weird product naming for inventions that are most probably as-seen-on-(late night)-tv. These made me giggle and I hope if you needed to smile today, this will do it for you.

face eraserOkay, I saw this product while waiting online in the pharmacy for Children’s Advil. My 6 yr. old was feeling miserably and we ran out of the stuff while his fever was spiking and my face was tired from his all-night whimpering and feverish demands for olives…(his desires are so random when he’s out of it). So there I was waiting when I saw the Face Eraser, unfortunately there was no time to check it out since he was ringing me up. What a crazy name – though it caught my attention,  read: good marketing – even if it’s bizarre. I felt I could use a face-eraser every once in a while – I can never hide my true emotions – no poker face for this Lady Gaga. But the weirdest part was not even the name, rather the company who made it . Hyundai. Isn’t that a car company? So I researched further and found another product called the BODY ERASER. No Joke. That was it, I thought Ureka! Jackpot! What all women have been waiting for. The ability to erase the parts we were too lazy to exercise away…until I read up on the first product (in Hebrew) which is a hair removal SHAVER for women..for their face, from the root, ew. More info on the Body Eraser I could only find in Arabic, so with the help of Google translate I realized it’s basically an Epilady.

whatsthatNext up – and I have no idea what the heck this is as I don’t read Chinese nor do I even recognize this product. It was in the beauty section of the supermarket and I was perplexed and confused and giggling all at the same time. If you have any info on this item feel free to let me know in the comment section below.

TiresOnto non-face items. After getting a flat and rushing to get it fixed, there I sat in the dingy garage “office” as my husband hung out by the tire machine – the one that rotates in water to see where the puncture is…boys and their toys…and across from me were rows and rows of different tire covers. I imagine this is where the big boys shop, the packaging reminded me of the Hot Wheels section of Toys R Us. Cool lightening background, see-through cellophane to get a glimpse of the product with a Super Hero font and usage of the letter ‘X’ to bring it all home. But the name is what got me. ROKX. Totally meant for guys. Marketing plus and I get it, even though I’m a girl. I can see the attraction but not the connection between the name and the actual product.

gasWhile on the topic of husbands, we were out window shopping when this item caught my husband’s attention. Though it’s not technically ‘weird’ as it was probably meant to be a home decoration for those who collect retro stuff, he made me laugh when he mentioned we should purchase it and place it over his side of the bedroom. TMI?

frdgeballsThese last 2 items are my favorites of the day. The first is a product which claims to help keep your produce fresh 3x longer. Fridge Balls. I watched a video online for this product reviewed by ABC – the result was that it didn’t really work, according to one person’s experiment. I absolutely love the name, it made me laugh and if I had an extra $5 to blow I’d purchase it and try it out myself just for the fun of it.

slushifyAnd now because I was kind of a slush-a-holic during my pregnancies this item really caught my attention when I received it in my e-mail. I especially enjoy how they turned it into a verb. Slushify. Why didn’t I ever think of that?!  I am always making up words. This one slipped past me…Making slushies in a matter of minutes? I’m on board. It’s called Slushy Magic and on the side of the box describes the use of Snowflake Science – not sure what that is exactly, but it sure sounds cool. This product promises to turn any drink into a slushy in a matter of minutes and the special cup it comes with is BPA free, plus they include a super long spoon-straw. win win win, in my opinion. The only downside is the reusable ice cubes. They must be frozen, and the whole system works better the colder your drink is – so there goes my quick ice coffee slushy plan. The picture is kind of misleading though. After watching a product review, the presenter filled his magic slushy cup to the fill line with orange Crush soda, shook it for the 2 minutes as directed and when he poured it out, it was only filled about 1/3 of his plastic cup. Boo – I may need to find a new way to slushify to make it worth my effort. What about you?

Weird Apps For Wednesday!

I apologize from the get go. This may get gross. 

crapappIt’s either genius or sick but either way people are being creative and I applaud that.First weird app of the day is an app where one can monitor their, um…output.  I’m sure the fact that Dr. Oz promoted this on his show will have gotten more coverage than my wee lil’ blog post, nevertheless. It’s called the Bowel Mover Pro.  No joke. An app that tracks crap. (sorry for the naughty word usage…I couldn’t control myself-pun intended). The better way to explain this app I guess would be to say that it helps one track their digestive health. 

6.HelloCowThen there is this app for no reason other than maybe for the cowboy who moved to the big city and misses the farm. It’s called Hello Cow. Basically its a cow. Poke it and it moos. That’s it. Oh and it costs 99¢. 

ifart

Back to gross and stupid, but probably funny for the mass of immature boys and men out there is the iFart Mobile App. You can record your own or use one of the many pre-recorded fart sounds labeled by funny names to prank all your friends. Also for 99¢…I really want to know how many people pay for and use this app. I like to prank just as much as the next class clown, but I wouldn’t pay for it. 

inapI saved the best for last: The iNap App. I know way too many people who would use this one! Yup, you guessed it, for only 99¢ you can download the app that will allow you to nap anytime anywhere and has a feature to alert you (assuming your locator is on and you’ve programmed your destination on your phone). Great for bus trips, though why anyone would pay for this and not just use the alarm feature on their fancy phone, I’m not sure.

Anyway, that’s all for today folks, feel free to comment and let me know other weird stuff you may want me to post about. Happy Wednesday!

When Mommy Gets Sick

sick-mom 1_edited-1Last week was rough. No, I did not get a flu shot. Because, I never get one.

Will I get one next year? Probably.

Do I feel like and idiot? Yes.

Did I stay in bed most of the time? Yes.

Did it help. I dunno. 

But man, was I sick. I got everything the NYQUIL commercial claims the medicine handles. The sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, plus 2 sick boy children with me. Too bad I didn’t have the medicine!

But then, of course, it got worse. This week, even though my chest has remnants of the ol’ rattle and wheeze, I went back to work. Because I had to. There were expectations and I was gaining more energy every day. So I did. And then naturally the girls mid week started to really complain. So, today I took them to the doctor.

The doctor’s visit proved one bronchopneumonia, one flu and some more antibiotics for mommy’s wheezing…(feel free to wag your finger at me)…because I am not thinking with 100% brain here, I took them all to work. Because I had to be there by 10. Because I am sick, and not focused on making the best decisions, I chose to bring these sickies to work with me instead of  leaving them all at home with a laptop full of movies and loads of ice cream.

Dummy. Dummy! DUMMY!!

So natch it’s Wednesday and I had a few minutes to scroll through the internet to find the most absurd (though they might be true) healing methods I could find that people put out there:

This seems weird but doable:

  • Hydrogen Peroxide: At the first sign of cold, flu, sinus infection, or ear infection, put a dropperful of hydrogen peroxide into each ear. Have the person lie still with the hydrogen peroxide in the ear until it stops bubbling. Do this on both sides. This is especially effective for kids. Repeat every few hours until infection is gone.

This seems good if you were in Poland without any other forms of medicine.

  • potatosThe Potato Method: I have a hard time believing that the raw potato is the way to go.

Lastly, there is no way anyone could have believed this advert, really.  At least I hope not!

dr-battys-asthma-cigarettes-l

The Cigarette Method:  Even the Dr.’s name seems suspicious!

Force Fields are for Jedi (and moms)

Weird Stuff on Wednesday? It wasn’t until I started my “research”. So  enjoy and try to follow along.

Is this really a post about Star Wars? Or The Phantom Menace *to be exact…not really but sort of. 

From Wookipedia *and weirdly enough this is NOT the first time I’ve been on the site (inner nerd alert)* and also for a WSOW post (about cookie jars, maybe?)

Obi-Wan catches up to them, but is divided from his master by four force fields. When the force fields deactivate, Jinn and the Sith continue their battle while Kenobi remains divided from the battle by one force field when they all reactivate.

Having looked up ‘Force Field’ in Wikipedia – because we all know that’s where all the accurate information is stored…I came upon lots of various usages for the term force field.

What had me even going to that place anyways? – you know how it is – how the brain travels at warp speed taking you from one topic to another and then BOOMyou’re at the end feeling like you just solved quantum physics.

This is how it went down – The morning started off hopeful, a new day, shiny new opportunities for greatness, but then one thing led to another and yet another and it felt like there were all these outside forces that kept me from my original plan. Which was to get to work on time. Seems simple enough. Hearty laughter heard from the heavens…as I dealt with a child who missed the bus for the second day in a row, a stuffed up drain delaying my shower, traffic behind the slowest cement mixer on the planet, waiting for the train to pass, a near car crash – read: old lady with big ol’ mama glasses barely visible over the steering wheel honking profusely at the French man jay-walking across the street where he stops midway to scream at her for almost giving him a heart attack, and then the 10 minute wait behind the buses that kept me from driving the 2 minutes left to get to my office.  Brain-ache already before coffee. Ugh.

ff1

The term Force Field is used in neuroscience, chemistry, physics, was the name of a British rock band and even theme tune for a British game show called The Crystal Maze (pretty impressive – see above) and even fiction…(like in the Incredibles) and while they all mean different things they all keep to the same basic idea. It prevents or protects (which seem like antonyms – how is that even possible?) one from harm’s way or the path that leads to something unknown *in most fictional cases, something evil. However, there is this deep philosophical and perhaps metaphysical space I keep entering that is convincing me that all these forces MUST have been for a better higher reason for delaying me this morning. (ok – deep stuff over – but if anyone has any insight – please share).

ProShirt front MAnd because it’s Weird Stuff on Wednesday – how could I leave out the best part of all. I’m thinking about purchasing a special coat to ward of evil forces. (Of what I’m uncertain – maybe sweat?) – I don’t bike BUT, I may need to purchase the Forcefield Pro Shirt  – I probably will never own a motorcycle but is this a reason not to purchase a jacket of “armor” that body hugs me and protects my back – why shouldn’t I protect my back?  Plus – this shirt gives the illusion of having webbed muscles – who wouldn’t want that? No brainer.

Choke On That!

screen shotvapexlpim1

It sure has been a while since I posted some of the goofy things on the internet that make me laugh out loud, but I’ve been wrapped up with work, kids, fake-dieting and life in general. However, here is a screen shot of one of the emails I recently received advertising the Vapex Electronic Cigarette FREE starter kit.  When I click on the horrific advertisement it brings me to a page called: myhealthy-diet.com where there is a choice of weight loss, lap band surgery and diet pill links. Ouch. When I finally find a real advertising pic this is what I see: A sexified angry-looking woman holding a fake cigarette. Ew.

I once worked with a security guard that tried to convince me to buy a similar product (even though I didn’t smoke) saying it would make me look cool. Okay, no offense to the overweight, crooked-toothed, fake-smoker – that thing wasn’t helping his image in the least bit! And I never claimed to want to look ‘cool’.

I remember my first pregnancy, while working on Wall Street (everybody together: ‘oooh’) there was a problem with the subway station so I was forced to take a bus. Waiting on-line, there next to me was Ms. Rudeness of the year award herself, blowing smoke literally at me and my big belly. When I asked her to please switch places (UNTIL THE BUS CAME) so that my fetus wouldn’t be all brain-damaged, she flat-out refused and guffawed.  The nerve, seriously. I never even asked her to put it out, or alluded to the fact that I took calls from men suffering from Mesothelioma that was enhanced because of their smoking daily, or that she was forcing others to suck up her second-hand smoke. Well, since there is nothing weird about that, let’s move on.

Choking is a serious issue, even though I am making light of some of the products or signage out there. I felt that was important to say.

Now – while researching I found some incredible obvious warning signs that made me wonder about some people. This one for instance is just an example:

marble

So let me get this straight, a person who buys marbles, plans on giving them to children under 3 is actually going to read this? Nah, I say someone who idiotic isn’t reading labels. Oh, and 4 year olds and 5 year olds and curious 12 year olds, and drunk frat boys could also choke on this product. It’s a good thing this hazard warning indicates that it’s a marble. But in my opinion, there needs to be more. “Like, hey moron,  don’t put this in your mouth, it’s not food!”

-mardi_gras Um, there is fashion and there is avauntgard and then there is Mardi Gras. Never the twain shall meet – but no one told this wackadoo. Beads are fun, and shiny and ooh-lala – but knowing when something is too much is a job for your friends. Clearly this party girl has lost control of her abilities to dress for success since she definitely looks like she is…everyone together…choking!

So what started out as simply spam mail became my weird stuff on Wednesday research project. I’ll leave you with this one cute item I found.

hazard

Bye-Bye Double Chin. Really?

המחיר שלנו: ₪49
המחיר המלא: ₪149
החסכון שלכם: 67%

For those that don’t read Hebrew – basically this is an ad for a product that claims to slim your double chin for the mere coupon cost of 49 shekels (as opposed to the original 149 shekels) – which is equivalent to $13.55 at todays exchange rate.  Oh, and it includes shipping!  At a 67% deal is this something I can and should pass up? I KNOW that advertising scams always work for those that are just.gullible.enough (usually me, and that’s why I own a ThighMaster) but at this amazing price can I just turn away a potentially amazing deal?

Um, yeah. If I stop eating and do jaw exercises – I can also reduce the size of my double chin – so I’ve heard – repeatedly. No joke, jaw exercises are a real thing and claim to help reduce the size of your sagging gullet. See this:

I also found one of these – it’s called the Flexaway. Its kind of Silence of The Lambs-y, no?

And of course, the Velform Chin Wrap – Anti Cellulite System. Seriously? She looks like a post-op surgery patient for chin or plastic surgery. AND, hello? Based on her body type – she looks like she has no problem with any double chin. It’s just not believable. Where are the chubbier models with REAL double chins? What about all those People Magazine women and men who have lost 300 pounds and the sag is still there? Those are the people I want to see  – especially if I am about to invest a whopping $13.55!

But the best chin wrap ( yes, there are more than one out there, so don’t get fooled kids) is the one that claims you’ll see results in just 45 minutes. No joke. I don’t know, people. Who believes this stuff? Chubby, desperate people that’s who. I would love to be the person that tests out all these wacky products on the market that claim to tighten, firm up, and create magic. SO if anyone out there (in Israel, I guess) has a business that purchases half the crazy items I post, I offer my services to be a guinea pig (for a small fee of course).

Don’t let the ads fool you! Keep strong and ward off temptation! Never let ’em see you sweat! or…

…be brave and try something new. Film yourself trying out the products you bought late at night on HSN. I’d love to watch those. So get videoing people!

If You Could, Would You?

This is  a great dating game. Dating can be difficult if you are not the creative type, no worries though, here is something that can help you out! I have a friend Neil who owned (it’s still in our possession) a book with tons of questions, that was a great tool to use on a date to get to know someone. Sometimes things on a date get awkward and you run out of things to say or to ask.

As it happens, while driving to work this morning I asked my husband an “If you could, would you” question (that as far as I know is NOT in the book but I thought about how it’s like the same idea).

While the actual question I asked him is irrelevant and private – it had me thinking along the lines of other like questions:

So I posed these to him:  (my answers are in red)

If you could grow wings and have the ability to fly, would you want them? (no)

If you could roller blade to work and not worry about getting hurt (from traffic), would you? (probably only once)

Now I can’t stop thinking about various scenarios and what I would do.  Here is a list of 15 questions I came up with. Feel free to use any of them on your next date!

  1. If you could sleep whenever you wanted without any repercussions, would you? (Heck, yeah!)
  2. If you could eat hot dogs every day, would you? (For the first week, maybe)
  3. If you could choose any job in the world, would you care about the hours? (Not if I really loved it)
  4. If you had the ability to understand animals, would you want the ability to speak back to them? (Definitely)
  5. If you could be any height you wished, would you choose to be taller? (No-brainer)
  6. If you could have microscope glasses, would you wear them all the time? – This one intrigued me most. (I think I’d get a headache and never be able to focus on anything in particular. It would be like when you play the game Tetris for too long then close your eyes and you still see pieces falling!)
  7. If you could blink your eyes and transport your body to any other place, would you? (Now, this is a cool concept, but I’d be afraid)
  8. If you could communicate with the dead, would you? (NO WAY!)
  9. If you could dial any number at random at no cost, would you start conversations with anyone who answers? (You know I would)
  10. If you could live in The Igloo Village in Kakslauttanen, Finland, would you. (I’d want to vacation there – but not live there)
  11. If you could swim as fast as a shark, would you challenge it to a race (assuming you already answered yes to #4)? (I am possibly the world’s worst swimmer – and no, since he can swim as fast as me – he can gobble me up just as quickly if he were upset about losing!)
  12. If you could join the circus, would you? (Nah, those artsy people are kinda’ weird)
  13. If you could be sure about winning a food eating contest (for no other prize besides the satisfaction of being called the winner) would you enter? http://eatfeats.com/category/eating-challenges (this is so gross – I can’t believe how many there are)
  14. If you could be a guest on a television series (reality show perhaps with a chance to win tons of cash) but would walk away with less dignity, would you be willing to sign a disclaimer that they could use whatever unedited version the  producers chose? (tempting – but no. No amount of money is worth degrading yourself)
  15. If you could, would you? Mooing for money. Check this out

Mooing

MooingWhen it comes to mooing, 10-year-old Austin Siok is an expert. The Dyer Intermediate School fifth-grader won an annual mooing contest at the Wisconsin State Fair because he sounded more like a real cow than the other about 80 contest participants. Austin has mooed a lot since kindergarten and said he started doing it even more this summer after his family read about a mooing contest at the Racine County Fair and decided to enter Austin. Austin practiced enough that he did well in the Racine County Fair contest and qualified to compete at the State Fair last Wednesday. He ended up winning the contest, which was for anyone over age 5, after a moo-off with the second place winner. For his win, Austin got $1,000, a cow print jacket, a golden cowbell and a year’s worth of free subs from Cousins Subs, which sponsored the contest. (Link)
Read more at http://www.oddee.com/item_97171.aspx#1poxgvyuU0oy2e17.99

How cute is that little guy? Weird Stuff On Wednesday has been saved by little Austin Siok! Thanks, kiddo!

Feel free to answer any of the questions above or leave comments below. I’m interested in hearing what you have to say. I’d also love to hear the questions you’d come up, ‘if you could, would you?’ You can really get to learn a lot about people, whether you are dating them or just hanging out with your already significant other – it sure is a fun way to pass the morning drive to work when there is traffic. I had lots of fun thinking up these 15 questions. I will also take requests: if you have an idea for a topic for Weird Stuff on Wednesday, I’d be more than willing to oblige and do the research and write something up about your idea!

C’mon Baby Light My Fire!

rubber ducky lighterIn lieu of yesterday’s post about bonfires, my mind started to wander. You know how the brain does that thing, where you end up 10 steps away from your original thought and then you’re left scratching your head…’hmm, how did I get here?’  Well, that’s how I ended up thinking about…ducks. Then duckies.

Let’s just say for argument’s sake that I was a fan of smoking, which I’m not for like a billion reasons. Assuming I wanted to be in the smoking crowd at work that goes up to the roof, would I want to impress my friends with a cool/unique/awesome lighter? Do smokers do this, I don’t even know.  BUT what I do know is something weird when I see it.  This duckie is a lighter – I guess blowing flames out of his head. 2 things come to mind. This design seems awfully juvenile for the smoking age allowed crowd. The other is, um the design leaves something to be desired, aren’t these  generally reserved for kids and their bath-time fun? Is this meant to be used – if so how would one take it with them? It seems kind of bulky.

This had me curious and cruising the internet for more weird lighters, some of these are so impractical! I’ll let you decide.camera lighter

The next one I found that peaked my interest was this camera lighter. If I were a smoking photographer and took my 10 minute break from the Bar Mitzvah – maybe I would buy this – its kitchy and in theory it can even be used as a walking ad. Not for smoking…I meant adding your name or logo as you shmoozed up more customers who went out as well. I still think the design is completely impractical. It’s so bulky, would smokers really want to lug this around?

 The frog lighter?

Oh wait – this one is classic: Happy Birthday Smoker – one year closer to keeling over from your asthmatic black lung thing…

While we are on the subject matter of health issues (were we? my crazy brain just went there)…I found a hot dog shaped lighter. This is exactly what I thought…

Iron Stylish Pistol Shape Butane Refillable Cigarette Cigar Lighter Copper

Oh ok, I get it! On a break from clogging up your arteries, have a smoke and quicken the pace to your inevitable doom.

So, as I scrolled through more idiotic designs and kitschy items I came across the most appropriate if not morbid lighter. It’s like a reminder, I think. The one shaped like a gun. Hey dummy! You’re killing yourself with that tobacco stick in your mouth – see how the gun points to you as you light it? It could not be more blatantly obvious. Or maybe not, because you have all that smoke in your eyes. Oh and then there’s this:

Smoking Can Lead to Vision Loss or Blindness

Eye Disease and Smoking:

Smoking has long been known to cause heart disease and lung cancer; however many people don’t realize that smoking can lead to vision loss. Studies show smoking increases the risk of age-related macular degeneration, cataracts, glaucoma and diabetic retinopathy and Dry Eye Syndrome. (taken from the New York State Department of Health website).

On to lighter things…get it? See how I did that, there…?

I like these 2 models- speaks to the men I think. Also, narrow enough to fit in a guy’s pocket without looking like he’s got something strange in there. The first one even looks classy. Not so ‘weird’, more unique.

But what about  the ladies you say? How can they class it up? This one is purr-ty. It’s got a cute kitty – which girls seem to like and not juvenile at all, *cough. But it may be too wide, ladies are always looking to slim down. So I found these:

And last but not least, I found this one that I thought was most ironic.

What is HONEST? Honestly, you’re going to die quicker using this product to smoke cigarettes. The product should read: DANGEROUS ITEM – that’s also honest.

Well so much for hypothetically speaking…we all now know my thoughts on smoking.

If you are planning on using your lighters for something other than smoking like starting the barbecue or igniting those romantic candles at the dinner table set for 2, then shop away!

If I Ever Grow A Mustache…

…please drag me to an epilator – is that what they are called? waxologists?

…it must mean I’m starting to look like my pet (which I don’t have -so there goes that theory).

…beware. I am in the next life and came back as a man.

…I may need to borrow your shaver, I hate facial hair.

…hide me in the closet and just remember to feed me once in a while.

…keep me posted on my flowers, I’ll never go outside again.

…I have injected a serious amount of hormones so, stay back.

…don’t tell me it looks good on me. I hate patronizers.

…love me for who I am not, not for what I look like.

…I hope it’s not one of those that curl up at the end, I can’t afford that tub of gel.

…I may be growing a beard as well. Stick a plaid shirt on me. I’m done.

Not so random friend plug:

If you are interested in Project Flow check out Flowstache, website coming soon.

…I’d learn how to do the upper lip mustache-y wiggle.

…I’d totally recreate The Very Hungry Caterpillar like my friend Gav did for Movember.

A mustache related rhyme – sort of…

I love this guy and this poster, but I truly hated The Hunt For Red October.

…I’d probably not touch it nearly as many times as men do.

…I’d try for the Fu Manchu or the handle-bar. That’s snappy.

…I’d probably end up with a load of leftovers with all that I’d drop, #crumbcatcher

My top 3 favorite guys on tv with cool mustaches are:

20130410-173053.jpg

Weird? Yeah It Is!

רוצים להשלים שעות שינה? לחצו כאן!

Weird Thing #1: This is a product that someone told me about.  Its like the Elephant Man Pillow. So Bizarre! I can’t believe people would purchase it and NOT end up with a neck ache! Clever…and if there is a market out there kudos to the seller, but consumers> like I always say – we are suckers! This thing is ridic.

Weird Thing #2: Someone (a complete stranger/first time meeting them ever) recently mentioned they MUST get in touch with their Shiatzu guy…why do I need that information? It was so random!!! Also, it’s weird what people MUST do and why they MUST tell you. I’m good with banter so I managed to get through it without that ‘what the heck?” look on my face…I hope.

Weird Thing #3: I am hosting a dinner party next week with a few friends and we decided on a Chinese Food Theme. Being in Israel – that can be a challenge since there are not so many great take-out places and we’ll probably re-create the menu. After a few back and forth emails on moo goo and moo shoo and poo poo platters I searched online for a visual to show my friend. I found this. Lets just say it was under the ‘poo poo platter’ section.

Weird Thing #4: Next week we celebrate the holiday of Purim. Quick synopsis, Jews were being persecuted *big surprise and the evil Haman, the kings right hand man wanted to destroy us. The king, Achashverosh (his Persian name – others refer to him as Xerxes, not much easier to say though), recently divorced from Queen Vashti (lets just say, she didn’t love his partying), was looking to find a new wife. Nice Jewish girl named Esther was chosen and she stepped a bit over the line. She went to him without being called (to beg him to help save her people against the evil Haman) and that’s a no-no. However the king took her brazenness as a sign of courage. She told him about Haman’s threats to her and her people which angered the king and sure enough Good prevails over Evil. Haman and his sons are hanged.

Smelly Feet CandyPerhaps that was not so quick…in any event, to commemorate this momentous occasion, and here is the weird part: we dress up in costumes and have a big feast, and give baskets of treats to our neighbors. (It sounds a bit like Halloween). As I was looking for some creative way to package said basket/treat giving while still in the poo poo section, I cam across this. The Porky Pooper. I mean, its funny and gross at the same time. Porky poops out chocolate balls.

Fart Candy - Click to enlarge

Who buys this stuff?!? Probably the same weirdos that buy “Smelly Feet Treats” and “Fart Candy”, ugh.

Weird Thing #5:

So after extensively discussing which costumes my children were going to be dressing in, they have settled on a zombie, a cupcake, a cowboy, a nerd and a ninja. That’s not happening, he recently asked me if he has any Ninja blood in him, so I sarcastically remarked “yes, you are 1/8th Ninja”…and he whooped, I had to break it to him gently that sometimes mommy jokes around. He wasn’t pleased. Some of these I can take bits and pieces from the HUGE costume box that is overflowing with perfectly good costumes, but I digress. Some of the other ones may be a bit difficult for me, I am not creative when it comes to costuming, and I usually wait until the very last minute for inspiration…so I took to searching online for Do-It Yourself costume sites…as if.  Half the costumes were inappropriate for my wholesome non-violent children and the other half were basically how-tos after you purchase all the fabric and elastic and extra doodads…I wanted easy, simple, and cheap! So whats weird?  My obsessive behavior this year in trying to make sure they all get what they want. Ninja acquiesced to be a  mad scientist and asked for a test tube. I should have given in to the ninja…or make him be a Shiatzu guy ;).

My Favorite Website Today Is…

I am in guilty pleasure heaven. Seriously. I love their tag line, I love the products they display and seeing how many minutes go buy as each item gets purchased. I giggle every few minutes and after each new item pops up you can hear me say “Oh, I want one of those”!

Glow in the Dark Loo RollI seem to have neglected writing about a lot of college stories – but after seeing this product I was brought back to my best memories with Professor Joachim. There was an advertising class that I took where we were asked to create a product and of course, naturally I came up with the GlowBowl. A glow in the dark toilet seat.  Which brings me back to Firebox…where I saw this item: Glow in the dark toilet paper. Here is a snippet describing the product:

“Ideal for cleaning up things that go dump in the night, this deeply ridiculous toilet tissue will cast its funky green glow across the bathroom.”

No offense, but anytime the word ‘funky’ is used for anything bathroom related I kinda’ wrinkle my nose.

We First Met Here Postcode PuzzleOn a completely unrelated topic…I find it weird that it has become a custom to surprise the woman when a man wants to propose. Why is this phenomenon so popular? Men try to think up creative yet still romantic ways to shock their future fiances. I’m sure most of you have already seen that YouTube clip that is circulating with Howie Mandel – now THAT is so completely over the top, but for the more practical and subtle bloke I found this cute idea: It’s the amazing (drum roll please)…

 …We First Met Here Postcode Puzzle – basically you send the zip code to the company and viola! £29.99 pounds later, you own a really cute idea. This puzzle though can give anyone a real headache. I wonder if you get a picture of the map before they chop it up into small pieces so it’s easier to figure out.

FatboyThere were tons of other products that had me smiling from ear to ear or wondering why I didn’t think of the idea first. However, this next product is kind of ironic. See, it’s called the Fatboy. Um, then why is there a really skinny, pretty model totally relaxing in an ‘I’m faking being relaxed can you tell’, pose?

The descriptions of these products get me every time, I mean seriously,  WHO WRITES THIS STUFF? There were 2 sections here that made me get that in-between brow-wrinkle:

And because the Fatboy is so big and malleable, you can sit on it, lay on it or just lollop out on it.

Made from high-tech, specially-coated nylon, the Fatboy is a doddle to clean. Simply rub with a damp cloth and hey presto.

Eh? What’s lollop? Or is the term ‘lollop out’ a thing. I dunno. Also – I’ve never heard the phrase: is a doddle to clean! It sounds made up to me – which is fine, I make up lots of words, so do my kids, but I ain’t getting paid to write descriptions of products…or maybe I should. Hey presto!

Personalised Superhero Action Figures I am all for personalizing gifts. Ever since the Bat Mitzvah stage (where everything was personalized in the 80’s) I tend to lean towards gift giving that is more personal. Once I ordered the stool that had the cut out colorful letters of the name of my friend’s new baby. Another time I received a cozy couch blanket from my bestie that had both our names on it as a going away present when we were moving thousands of miles away.  I was given a mug with my name spelled out from my grandma and a metal horseshoe with my name on it from my other grandma. I’ve cherished each one of these gifts and am always looking for ways to take gift giving to a whole new level. I think I may have found my husband’s next b-day gift: A personalized superhero action figure!! All the company asks for is the consumer to send 2 photos, one front and one profile picture and they create a 3D head and send you the original doll – plus the DIY kit to pop off the head and replace with your new one! It keeps cracking me up. Seriously. I’m not joking. I thought my doll-playing days were over since all our Barbie dolls are headless, but I guess not!

Anyway, I had a great time perusing this site and I hope you do too, I even aim to purchase a few items. I can’t wait to pin some of this stuff on Pinterest. Stay tuned!

Blingitty Bling

This is gonna’ be one of those weird ones. I came across a great product – but I get that it’s not going to make everyone laugh. For us wig-wearers,  this is a new-ish item. I absolutely adore it, but would never buy it for myself. A blinged out head for my wig. Glitz and glamour for my golden locks as they rest for the night…silly little trinket, even looking at it makes me happy. I like the shimmer and shininess of it. There is a whole line of colors and styles, just by clicking on the photo, you’ll feast your eyes on more.

I can just see it now, quick someone buy me the Bedazzler for when I am ready to retire to Miami and make my own rose designed sweatsuits. But in all seriousness, even as little girls we females like to bling things out. I can recall Chubby stuffing her ampleness into her Sergio Valente jeans with the bedazzled back pocket. Here, let’s go back in time.

There she was in her new Sergio Valente bedazzled jeans, round and round gaining speed on the corners at the local roller rink. She could do the hokey pokey with the best of them and even attempted to win the limbo contest. Her favorite was the corner game…remember the DJ would call out a number and you had to skate to the corner as quickly as you could? She was fast even though she was chubby. No one missed her, whizzing by with matching ribbons in her pigtails, she had a glitzed out back pocket but popped her trouser button when she bent too low one day…those were the days. Her mama should have started her on sweatpants then.

https://i2.wp.com/media-cache0.pinterest.com/upload/42925002668263598_pyobIklc_b.jpgAnyhoo, there is just something about shiny items that women love. We’ve jazzed up our cell phones and  their cases. Our clothing. Our accessories. Our jewelry. Our shoe-wear – (go Keds!) Our jean vests, or jean anything, hello! We’ve even gone as far as bedazzling our upholstered items like couch pillows. ( I think that may be overdoing it though).

As Seen On TV 'The Mini Bedazzler Tool' I think this is a great gift, the mini Bedazzler. Not too expensive and the ad even says small enough to fit in your purse…you know, for those times, when you are in a need to bedazzle crisis, DUH!

We’ve bejewelled our fingernails. Our faces. Even Our Teeth!!! Not Joking – check it out. Seriously, I think we’ve all gone a bit mad. It’s one thing to like a little glitz and glam but it’s another thing to go over the top, spend lots of money on things that are above and beyond what is ‘normal’.

I remember once, wearing a gown that was so heavily beaded that it weighed me down and I found it hard to move and dance and truly enjoy myself (even though I l thought I looked A-Mayzin’…looking back, not so much).

We’ve managed to cover the computer area, and our office needs,  our backpacksNwt Victoria's Secret Pink Limited Edition Bling Backpack Rainbow Bling Paillett Photothe inside of our carshttps://i0.wp.com/www.coolbusinessideas.com/images/Swarovski-studded%20Honda.jpg

Aargh – the list goes on and on.  What have we done?  Just btw – I REALLY like the car bling…

https://i0.wp.com/cdn03.cdnwp.thefrisky.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/02/bedazzled_g1.jpg

See full size imageI am all over this look. I don’t know this fellow. I don’t understand why he is wearing this head-piece * at least I hope it’s a head-piece and not little gems hot-glued to his royal baldness. I feel like lots of women can get away with wearing a basic black dress and donning one of these coiffures with perhaps a little 20’s vibe  – ya’know the curl at the ear. That’s all you’d need to dress up the look!

It could be a thing. I’m no trendsetter so you won’t see me sporting this look  – but there is one thing I know. No matter what age we ladies are, from the beginning we are dazzled and amazed by shiny objects. They make us feel happy and so no matter what your business is people, if you cover it in glitter or hot-glue it with rhinestones (even though that was an epic fail for one dress-maker I had commissioned) you’ll have a product that will sell.

The last thing I saw was edible bling. Gross. People spraying gold or silver on doughnuts, pretzels, strawberries and chocolate. I wish I were joking. Way to ruin a good hot pretzel, huh?

All in all if there is one thing I learned from all my ‘research’ its that trends may come and go but one thing remains the same. Men, pay attention: WOMEN LIKE SPARKLY STUFF!!! ‘Nuff said.

DOGgone Days


I’m feeling so very sleepy which I wholly attribute to the 3rd cup of chamomile tea I am currently sipping. My throat hurts and THAT’S why I’m even drinking tea. I’m not British and grew up drinking tea for only one reason, because my throat hurt. Today is no different, and I can hear Grandma Mildred urging me to drink tea with honey because of its soothing effect. I have no honey honey so I used sugar sugar. Even though I feel like garbage and my day feels blankety-blank and that it won’t get any better there was something that happened recently that made me laugh because well, I thought it was ridiculous. I do feel bad for laughing out loud at the time because there were other people who ARE dog lovers there as well and they were being totally 100% serious.

Natural Scents Crisp Apple Cologne Dog Deodorant 118ml

This was the scenario: Teenage girl holding her dog, scrunching up her nose asking generally,  “Is there such a thing as doggy deodorant”? Baaahhaahaaa out of my mouth. Then someone who is a major dog lover and dog owner completely seriously said, yes there was. Of course I had to check it out for myself. Naturally I found lots of Johnson & Johnson products  – they make shampoo so it’s a bit obvious that they’d make a shampoo line for dogs but what I found absurd and hysterical and mad funny was this bottle of BIO-GROOM cologne for dogs. M’kay, why are we calling it cologne? Also clearly marked on the bottle is the name of the line. Natural Scents…last time I checked dogs are not naturally supposed to smell like crisp apple. There are other scents like White Ginger and Wild Honeysuckle….seriously folks, we are not talking about a pouch of potpourri, we are talking about pongy pooches.

Dogs are supposed to smell like dogs…maybe like grass or kind of earthy but spraying them with something that looks truly like cologne is hysterical. What has become of us? This is another like product on the market that I can appreciate from an advertising perspective but consumers, c’mon! K-9 – that’s clever, appropriately named but the packaging looks like it’s for men!

Now on my search I found a company called Bull Dog – but they sell man deodorant. It took me a while to figure that out. Here is their logo

Fresh roll-on deodorant from Bulldog so of course after seeing it I thought it was funny that it should say natural skin care – dogs are covered with FUR, how would this even work?? Then I read an article on The Grocer about this product that you can feel free to read for yourselves but I highlighted a paragraph that I thought was, um, to say the least, sketchy. With a company name like Bull Dog, you’d expect the founders to have more manly names. I am sure they are real (wink), but they kind of sound made up to me. I’ve  read and re-read this paragraph trying not to laugh.

“We’re using eight amazing essential oils rather than cheap artificial fragrances,” said Simon Duffy, who founded the business with Rhodri Ferrier in 2006. “Our natural formulations mean we’re not using controversial ingredients that many men are looking to avoid.”

“Amazing essential oils”… for men? And since when are men looking at the ingredients of their deodorant? Were there so many men looking to avoid using “controversial ingredients”? I would have liked to see a list of those – interesting – though I stopped my internet research at finding an expose on controversial ingredients for men’s roll-on deodorant – but I do reserve the right to explore that on another Wednesday.

Okay so back to dogs and their funky odor products I came upon a spray that DOES sound like something one should buy for their dog. Aminology’s STINK BOMB!Pinned Image The only problem I had was with the description of this product…they used the words sleek, swish and shiny to sell the consumer on purchasing it. Like the bottle really matters if your dog is stinking up your house. The best part about this product, besides its awesome name is one of the reviewers remarks. He claimed it didn’t work more than 30 minutes on his pup. He was in the minority but still, that’s the warning light people. Stop being suckered into buying dumb stuff. If your dog stinks, wash it. Just like your dishes or your clothing.

Now, I know I may sound harsh because the truth is, I do like the house or my clothing smelling like vanilla or lavender just like the next girl. I just think it’s funny when people dress up their pets in funny costumes, or clothing. I think its funny when people treat their pets like people. I almost always find it funny when people get suckered into buying things they really don’t need. Like Pet Head Poof Magical Deodorizing Spray – I swear it’s a real thing . The product, not the magic, people.

Good luck keeping your dogs smelling pretty and looking poofy.

PS – I know its only Tuesday but I couldn’t wait to post this until tomorrow. (plus I have a business meeting set-up. Hot Diggity Dog!

WSOW: Just Get Over It

Mixing it up today with Weird Stuff on Wednesdays and what’s on my mind…

When is it time to let go?

Letting go of something that makes you mad, or sad, or frustrated is probably the hardest thing to do. For some reason the intense emotions are what propels us to continue on a (most probably unhealthy) journey to nowhere.

These feelings are necessary but generally NOT conducive to living each moment productively. These feelings help us sort out what bothers us and kind of leads the path to possibly better understanding each other and most importantly ourselves. How we treat these feelings and how we react to others will shape our relationships and possibly alter the course of our lives.

If there is one thing I’m generally good at, its letting things go quickly and not harboring negativity. I hate feeling angry or jealous for too long, it makes me feel icky and I am convinced that’s when my skin goes all wonky and I break out and sometimes get all splotchy.

When I get REALLY angry, my ears get really hot and red and my cheeks are infused with their pinkish hue (more than normal) and my neck gets speckled, it’s bad. I can’t hide my feelings and it’s a shame, I’d rather have a poker face and be able to control those things but I simply can’t. It rarely happens because like I said I try to avoid getting to THAT point, but when it does happen, I can even hear my inner voice screaming at me, “JUST GET OVER IT!”

*sigh*

So, yes, obviously something recently happened and its making me think – others must go through what I go through when I get all eye-twitchy, right?

Without going into details, I have a very short fuse when I am the recipient of rudeness and disrespect. When this happens I do the usual, count to 10 in my head, or bite my tongue, imagine punching the person in the nose, the usual. BUT there are better ways to de-stress other than imagining pushing the other person off a cliff.

Here are some of the weird items I found on the internet that can help a person relax.

This poster is like the Idiot’s Guide to Managing Your Stress.

There is nothing here that any normal person hasn’t already thought of when you are stuck in an angry rut. Oh, and the first one, “Avoid stressful situations” reminds me of that dumb joke my dad loves to tell: “Doctor, it hurts when I do this” and the doctor responds, “well, don’t do that”. DUH!

I love the line, “Change how you see the situation”, like you change anything when you are seeing red.

I also got a giggle thinking if I were a member of the Mafia my responses to these suggestions would be pretty funny. I wonder if members of the Mob go to anger management classes – new reality TV show? Maybe not.

Another helpful tool I found was this  Stress Reduction “Kit”. I can only assume that the person who made this was trying to be funny, but, um, the last line, #4 says, cease activity if you are unconscious which kinda’ happens on its own, doesn’t really need a mention. Now this guy on the right, has a great idea. I think everyone should carry one of these in their pockets and as soon as someone angers you, make this face at them while demonstrating exactly as shown in the picture. You can really get your message across without ever uttering a word or laying a hand on the offender.

There are lots of stress balls out there but this one intrigued me. Not sure why they advertise it as a Fantasy Ball. Also, I found it really funny that it was labeled under PU balls. I know, I know – so childish – whats with all the bathroom humor lately? After doing some research I understand the PU stands for Polyeurothan – which I probably misspelled but is what these balls are made of.

Real fur black changgushuan hair ball rabbit fur casual sports preppy style knitted horsehair color block one shoulder women's(China (Mainland))

The weirdest thing I saw though while researching other PU products was this nasty item.  Described exactly like this:

“Real fur black changgushuan hair ball rabbit fur casual sports preppy style knitted horse hair color block one shoulder woman’s.”

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? Wikipedia has no clue what changgushuan is either, but to be honest, I’d never want a hair ball of any kind on my preppy-style (not that I can remember) knitted horse-hair (ew), anything. Ever.

Well, just writing about this I smiled a lot and feel less stressed, which I noticed helps. Smiling that is. Also, I’m thinking that, perhaps I’ll just purchase Miss Rude of the Year the latest changgushuan purse and convince her that it’s all the rage in some remote European village. You never know, trends start somewhere!

Gorilla Poop, Jimmy Fallon And Life…

…and more random thoughts by CheriBLevy.

https://i1.wp.com/25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lorp9aOa8W1qihh0eo1_400.jpg

This, in the baking community, is called Gorilla Poop (cookies) or…No Bake Cookies. I am in a weird mood and even though it’s not Wednesday, I have to post about weird stuff today, which basically means, random train of thought blubbering. Enjoy!

In my reader today there was a post from my “friend”, a blogger at Inspire & Indulge, and her title made me giggle, I am still even chuckling to myself…because THIS is what she posted. While I think the name is funny and a bit gross, I am DEFINITELY going to make these probably in the next 24 hours for a few reasons.

  1. Because I want to shock my kids when I say the word ‘poop’
  2. Because there is no baking involved
  3. Because I want to shock my kids when I say the word ‘poop’
  4. Because they make it look so easy
  5. Because I want to shock my kids when I say the word ‘poop’

You get it. I have mentioned before in previous posts about how I like to prank others. Nothing too dramatic, I am not super creative, just a bit so that I can get a good laugh. I feel a hidden camera or interview type style might be necessary to pull it off and be able to film their reactions.

On other random news in my life. I watched this clip of Jimmy Fallon & Rashida Jones and I can’t stop smiling.

 

They look like they are having so much fun. I love her in Parks & Rec and loved her in The Office, and okay – basically anything so it was a win win for me. In all due fairness, I equally love Jimmy Fallon. He makes me smile and laugh EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE ANYTHING HE DOES! I know that’s the point and I can join probably the other millions of people in the world that feel the same way I do.

I am feeling inspired and really want to sing and make a video with my kids to honor these 2. I probably won’t so, you’re welcome in advance, but I just might one day. (yeah yeah, just like I might also hire a cleaning woman to sort my lack of domesticity one of these days too!)

The last thing on my mind today is more serious. So sorry to turn the notch down on the funny, like I said complete random thoughts here, but it’s been on my mind all day, and there is a message to be learned. Driving to work today I witnessed the aftermath of a motorcycle accident. It was reported on the news with no other information than that which I had seen. 2 or 3 ambulances (one being ZAKA, so we knew it was bad), a motorcycle thrown on its side by the curb, and lots of yellow tape, but as we passed I noticed there was a body on the ground, covered by a plastic tarp, meaning only one thing. My breath caught. I’ve seen it dozens of times on Law & Order and other various CSI-like shows, but never in my real life have I seen a body that just lost its life. I saw his shoes. That’s what I remember. His brown shoes, that got on his bike this morning, as someone’s friend, someone’s son, perhaps someone’s father or husband or brother and thought to myself, how cruel that I know before them. It is this message that I walk away with today and I hope you do as well:

Make time to laugh. Cause others to smile. Remember to share your feelings with those you love.

So with that I thought to share some of the things that made me smile today even though they were unconnected and even a bit off-color. Perhaps they’ll make you smile as well. Wishing everyone a blessed day.

WSOW – 9/19/12 – Happy New Year!

I never did get to go to one of those cool New Year’s Eve parties where everyone counts down and then there is kissing as the ball drops. Oh, you’re not from NY? Well, that’s what everyone there does. I was actually at Times Square one year for the ball dropping in the Big Apple! If you are reading this and remember being with me, remind me. It was that memorable, clearly. All I remember is being in a crowd, holding hands with the person in front of me (somewhere) as we snaked our way OUT of the crowd. Hmm, who WAS I with? Everyone seemed taller than me (not that hard to accomplish) and I was feeling a wee bit traumatized, claustrophobic and anxious to get out of the crowd, but hey, I can check that off my bucket list ;).

OK – I don’t really have a bucket list. Who came up with this name btw? I’ll need to Wiki that. We have coined so many terms these days, I think I’ll add that to my bucket list. Think of a word I can coin. (I’d google it – but according to Google, you’re not supposed to use google as a verb).

So it’s Weird Stuff On Wednesdays: I choose to write about Coining, Buckets and New Years. How can I connect the dots? Read on friends and followers, read on. As the Jewish New Years rolls in, we are all about reflection, introspection, some of us who turned 40 – even detection. How about thinking of ways to better ourselves? I’ve mentioned this in that last few posts and obviously its still on my mind.

So the bucket list contains things you wish to do before you ‘kick the bucket’ which means die. But after reading terrible tragedies of a couple strolling that got hit by a car and a baby that drowned in a toilet and so on, the truth is we never know when that day is, so there are those that feel they should seize every day as if it’s their last, the only problem with that is there is never enough money to just DO what you WANT to do. Responsibilities get in the way, in a good way, but I digress nonetheless.

This is what popped into my mind: Weird but true.

(well – every time I try to add the photo it deletes the rest of my post…boo! There was a naked mannequin holding a scale of buckets of gold coins on either end, imagination needed here peeps.)

Almost exactly, however minus the naked mannequin. We weigh our pros and cons, good deeds and bad deeds, we make money we lose money and we try to keep an even balance. Every day (some of us) try to pray that we live to see another day and that it is a healthy one and a prosperous one. We don’t often feel guilty for the ‘sins’ we commit right away because we justify doing them in the first place.

“That guy dropped a dollar, once it hit the floor, technically it became public property.”

“I ate like a pig because I was just so hungry after the race.”

“I fried the ants with my magnifying glass because I was 8 yrs old and that’s what magnifying glasses are for right?” – I thought of MAGNIFRY – but someone beat me to it – it’s a bit too gross to coin anyway – oh well.

So really I was only guilty of the last example but I vowed after that summer, on a Yom Kippur that I would NEVER do it again. So I didn’t. But I’d still watch other neighborhood kids do it. Why why why?

Let’s be honest with one another shall we? If frying ants is the worst we’ve done, we’re okay right? Justify, justify, justify.

We can always strive to be better, for each person that means something else. A better student, a better child, a better parent, a better driver, a better listener, a better sore loser, a better dieter.  (I can hear Chubby now, shushing me…)

https://cheriblevy.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/ant_farm_advertisement.jpg?w=300I wish to send love and peace to all. Seeds of (pomegranate) Peace, lots of coins to count, and more happy new year’s resolutions, parties and an ant farm for your kids. C’mon, its’ only $2.98

Blessings.

WSOW 9/12/12 – Aww Honey Honey

In lieu of the upcoming holiday of Rosh Hashana and it being Weird Stuff on Wednesday, I knew where I was going, just not sure how I was going to get there. But I seem to have figured it out. Here goes:

When you hear the words ‘tin insect’, what comes to mind? Not much I hope because well, those are 2 weird words thrown together. But not for toy makers! I would NEVER use these words in a product description, but there you go, I’m not selling tin insects and I never plan to.

The holiday of Rosh Hashana is a time when Jews wish one another a ‘sweet new year’. The customs of cooking/baking with sweet ingredients to enhance the meals that surround this specific holiday are intensified. Everyone uses apples and honey in at least one if not more of their dishes. It’s no secret that Chubby loves her cake, but honey cake always took a back seat to most others. Honey-themed dishes and serving pieces and honey jars and bumble bees seem to be accepted amongst most Jewish homes this time of year. That is how I came across:

Hank the Honey Bee

https://i0.wp.com/www.tintoyarcade.com/product_images/r/tta2494_hank_honey_bee_wacky_windup__19584.jpg

For the low price of $2.98 who wouldn’t want this for the Jewish new Year? (hint hint, please send me one)

The funniest product description I’ve seen.

Type: One Tin Wind-up Toy Yellow Bee • Big Key Included, Attached
Category: Tin Insect • Not for children under 3
Size: Each 1.5″ Tall (1.5 x 2.5 x 2 inches)
No Longer In Production – Retired {hello, seriously??? Why would Hank retire?! Vertigo maybe.}
Package: Clear Envelope Sealed Bag

Retired. Hrumph – oh well.

https://i2.wp.com/www.revhoney.com/images/strawberry_360.pngREV HONEY U-TUBE

I just started thinking it’s time to change our eating habits and switching to whole wheat products and substituting brown sugar for white, yadayadayada… and while researching desserts for the holiday I came across this weird product. Here’s a new take on U-tube. These are the benefits listed for this product:

Benefits

  • 1 Serving of raw honey
  • Simple, all-natural ingredient list
  • Great for sports or healthy snacking
  • 16 Antioxidants (naturally occurring in honey)

So it’s no surprise that exercise and healthy eating go hand in hand. This company suggests: For maximum performance: take 1 U-Tube before, during or after exercise to fuel or refuel both your brain and muscles. Sorry, I can’t stop laughing…it’s so bizarre! Who can ingest a tube of strawberry-flavored honey before going on a run? That’s weird.

TEIGLACH

Through my research, I actually found the dessert I was looking for. It’s called teiglach. For my non-Jewish fan base, this is pronounced tay-glah-ch, roll the ‘ch’ like you’re hocking a loogie. It’s a Yiddish word meaning, ‘little dough’.

https://i0.wp.com/kosher.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/2637845ec4c4d333622d32070755f8a7/6/8/683715015110-zomicks-teiglach-1_1.jpgEvery year Grandma Mildred would bring us this traditional dessert. Sticky dough balls (covered with honey) piled high in a pyramid shape. There were nuts and maraschino cherries occasionally stuck in between these dough balls and as kids we’d pull the balls and watch the gooey honey pull away in silvery threads from the base. I could not find a better picture on the internet and this is not doing it justice. I aim to attempt to make one this year! Wish me luck!
While I can appreciate this because it’s a reminder of my youth and fondness for my grandparents, I can see how it may seem weird.

But still not weirder than fruit cake on Christmas.

THE BUMBLE BEE HONEY DISH

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Last but not least is the ever-present honey dish. It is customary to dip apples in honey and honey dishes vary from kitschy to elegant. Dishes shaped as bee-hives, honey comb, and apples may appear on any table at this holiday.

Let’s be honest – this honey dish is U-G-L-Y and quite frankly scary for kids. He has no feelers, no smile, and creepy eyes and brass legs. So what if it’s vintage? It’s a weird bee. Maybe it’s meant to be art, – I don’t get art. Naturally this product was made in Japan, which makes sense that there are no feelers or fuzzy parts – the Japanese are pretty smooth people in general.  I found the conditions that were listed for this product funny. Also, I don’t think it was meant on purpose, maybe just a forgotten or unnoticed spell-check mistake. See if you can find it.
“condition: great vintage – Black paint on stripes and eyes has a bit of chipping, brass stand is very slightly oxidized, no cracks or chips in the ceramic. Could also bee used as a trinket box or small planter”.

Happy Holidays!

WSOW – 9/6/12 – SuperStretchies

Well, hello fellow lovers of Weird Stuff on Wednesdays…no, I didn’t forget :). I’m just a bit delayed with this post because I started biting off more than I can chew…also that doesn’t help with the fact that I named myself “Chubby” but oh well, some thing you just can’t change!

While discussing Weird Stuff on Wednesdays my friend mentioned this to me…the Spiderman bicycling outfit.

The company also sells in a Batman design for all those who are dying to add these pieces to their spandex collection! Phew, I know!

Seriously, it’s bad enough that it just hugs and grabs in the most intimate places but to purposely wear the added attraction of being a superhero on a bike – (which is basically ridiculous because superheros can fly  – why would they need a bike) flashing their business? NOT everyone can pull of spandex. See?

I told you so.

EXCEPTION TO THE RULE: I won’t post a picture of Nacho Libre – even though he’s awesome, because Jack Black is exactly that, awesome, and hello people – he’s a comedian – that’s what he does for a living, he will wear spandex-y stuff and act silly to make people laugh. It’s not meant to be worn out in public. Unless, you ARE a superhero (or completely insane)- then feel free, if you must, you must.

I am not alone, it’s even mentioned in their blog, The Blog of Bad, which I started following because well it’s honest and really funny.

So I know I am not the only one.

I understand that it helps with wind reduction and thus increasing one’s speed…again not sure why superheros need to be FASTER than the speed of light. KnowhatI’msayin’? That seems pretty fast to me. As for weightlifters, bicyclists and runners? Pick a new trend…for the sake of the people, please?

Okay, so while I am on the weird and stretchy – Halloween is coming up and masks ALWAYS frighten me. Yes, I know it’s not REALLY Ronald Regan – I still think it’s weird that you come around knocking for a mini Snickers bar looking like him. It’s weird and scary and quite honestly it FREAKS ME OUT!

Stretchy masks + anyone = you better go away from me.

They call this on the left The jigsaw killer saw puppet mask. Is that from a movie that I would NEVER see? Who makes this stuff up? So disturbing.  And dude on the right is supposed to be Prince Charles. So ok, ok – the chap isn’t the best looking thing since sliced brie, but he looks better than this monkey version of him…yikes.

Better weird stretchy stuff include toys. Stretchy toys are so much fun – but yeah, WEIRD!

I am probably dating myself here when I thought of the Stretch Armstrong doll but let’s be honest, if they still sold it, I’d still buy it.  I do absolutely love that they made a modern version for kids today…which is hilayr – seriously. To stretch Homer Simpson would probably keep me entertained for a good hour at least.

All in all, I’d be happy. But I did find the perfect stretchy toy for little kids, the elderly and especially the Octomom.  If you don’t know who SHE is, you aren’t reading enough Star Magazine on your way out of the supermarket checkout lane.  Basically, she gave birth to 8 children

(well not all at once – that WOULD be so weird)…all with the same pregnancy.

May I present the Octoband. 

Each child, or granny can grab a hold of one end. Then I guess do stuff.

 See, here is a visual. A retired business man, a retired super heroine, her partner in crime who poses as an old man during their octo-routine, a retired old white man, a retired disco dancer, and a retired cowboy all using the octoband doing stuff on  what clearly is Thanksgiving because that’s when we eat Pumpkin (geotag: the window).

Of course I’m joking, this is clearly used for therapy purposes involving dance moves. Not weird at all. Very important to keep the joints moving, kids. Otherwise you may end looking like that dude above, overweight, wearing spandex posing as a black Spiderman. And that’s just weird.

Weird Stuff of Wednesdays 8/29/12

 

To all my tree-huggin’-nature-lovin’-crunchy-granola-bran-eating-friends…or just those of you who recycle…this product should interest you. Personally, I think it’s weird and even a bit gross and would NEVER buy it, but who am I to judge?

 Available in Snaps or Hook & Loop closures

Happy Heineys is a brilliant company.

I mean that with my whole heart. Reusable diapers, that come in a variety of really cool and appealing styles and colors and even Glow-In-The-Dark options…anything that can glow in the dark is just cool. Using custom milled fleece (not sure what that means) and hemp (that definitely sounds sketchy) fleece.

What I love most on this site is this line: “Combined with proper night-time stuffing & proper lanolizing of our wool cover this can be a bullet proof system for most heavy wetters.” 

SO MANY FUNNY LINES HERE:

1) “proper-night-time stuffing” – this aint no turkey, it’s a baby folks – how much effort should go into your poop collector?

2) “proper lanolizing” – are we waxing the floor here? Is that from the word lanolin=moisturizer -as in creme? Then why would they also sell Heiny Spray and a special Rash Remedy?

3) “wool cover” – poor babies, that’s a hot bottom!

4) “bullet-proof system” – nah nah nah, as a mom, the last word I want connected with my babies bum is the word bullet. Besides, how much is your baby drinking that you’d need a special lanolized and bullet-proof pee catcher?

Listen, I am all for saving the environment AND putting something cozy on my baby but sometimes, maybe sometimes, the 2 should not be connected. I’m not trying to rag on this company, this is not the only reusable diaper company there are A LOT of others! That is what’s weird.

https://i0.wp.com/3.bp.blogspot.com/_1KyRkSpMyWs/S7928PCBVEI/AAAAAAAAA5s/LrzESGi-Rak/s320/potty%2Bmitts.jpgWhile we’re on weird stuff for kids and the bathroom here is a product that I’ve seen a few times, and totally am against, but again, I get it. While I’ve had to use mall bathrooms and gas station bathrooms on occasion I know first-hand how icky they can be. I also agree that protecting oneself from germs is good, but my bother-in-law, a doctor, once mentioned that it was good for my baby to eat dirt…build up their immune system – and stuff. While I was appalled and grabbed my baby away from the muddy puddle, and because it was my first baby, I was upset by this idea, however, I understood the concept.

These Potty Mitts are taking it to another place – while keeping sanitary you’ll also possibly be creating that kid in kindergarten with OCD. How about the old fashion way and papering the toilet seat? USE THE RESOURCES YOU ALREADY HAVE, save some money and bring up a well-balanced child. Why stop at disposable mitts? Why not dress your child in disposable clothing?  Hey consumers that this product appeals to…I have a secret for you…just like you wash clothing, you can wash your hands. Yeah, I know, it’s a crazy thought. Bring along a mini-sanitizer if you think you might touch something sticky or gooey throughout your day and you may be in a situation where there won’t be any soap.
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You can always keep one of these in your purse/diaper bag/backpack/stroller. They’re weird, kind of creepy but is a constant visual to keep your baby’s hands germ-free.

Yes, those are soaps. Right? Kind of cute, but definitely kind of creepy. I think what’s most disturbing about these products is that here is more than one mold. The fact that there are at least 10 different options is what’s weird. But that’s just my opinion. Like it or lump it.

Last but not least – and as long as we’re on the subject…little kids love stuffed toys. Thinking of that perfect baby gift, wanting to be original? I would venture a guess and say it makes no difference when it comes to gender but I feel this may be taking it too far. Stuffed pee and poo toys. While I can respect the entrepreneurial success of the designer, who not only created this design but has since created a line of Pee&Poo items such as clothing and tattoos, I’d say it was in poor taste, though fairly marketable!

So kudos Emma – you go girl!https://i2.wp.com/cdn.blogs.babble.com/strollerderby/files/creepiest-dolls-ever/11.png

Tune in next week, I promise, it won’t have anything to do with poop.

I’m thinking weird holiday sale items since Rosh Hashana is around the corner!