Advice

Weighing My Options

Crossroads are never easy. What do you do when asked to do something you aren’t sure about? Decision making is difficult when it’s your own life and stuff is going down. But what happens when all of a sudden – someone asks something of you that you hadn’t considered before?

My first bit of advice is never commit to answering right then and there. Big questions deserve big time outs. People need time to process information before making rash decisions.

One of my many flaws is that I am quick to say, “yes, I can help.” I mean it with every fiber in my body. In my heart, I want to help, my brains screams: DO IT, and my hands and feet are ready and willing.

So when I was confronted recently with conflicting feelings – I was like a deer caught in the headlights. I was sort of just frozen and tongue-tied and some-how I managed to say that I needed to time to think about it.

It was the best decision I made.  Whats worse than saying no? Saying yes and then regretting it. I’ve been most fortunate in the times people have asked for my assistance. While I was always so willing to give of my time, energies and support to others, I sometimes neglected my own needs.  No one suffered besides me. Being kind has its rewards and what ‘they” say is true. What goes around comes around.

That having been said – it applies to the negative as well. Currently I find myself in a position where I am dying to say, I told you so. But it’s not nice to rub it in once the damage is done. I warned someone not to be so trusting. I begged them not to lend funds when they had financial struggles. And now, they are in heaps of trouble. They have asked for my help – not monetarily – but for advice. Advice is free when you are someone like me – but there is always a price to pay. Getting involved on any level now is sure to bring trouble rearing its ugly head in my direction. But can I turn away?

Looking at the larger picture, if I were in this person’s shoes – I would seriously hope there would be someone to hold my hand, ease my fears and pray for a positive outcome. I’ve always had my pulse on other people’s feelings and this is really hard for me. On one hand, I KNOW this person needs help. On the other,  I am willing myself to say no. I am at a crossroads.

The time has come to make a decision and instead of jumping – you know ‘they’ say the older you get the wiser you become – I find myself being more cautious than ever before. I am listening to my own advice; that inner voice, and taking the time to really think it through.

Sometimes I wish life was all rainbows and butterflies with rooms full of bowls of ice cream and buckets of peanut chews.  I wish I had an amazing sense of humor and a quick wit to get myself out of potentially sticky situations. But – that’s not me. I’m the one that took 3 days and then FINALLY had a comeback. I can not even count the times my brother face-palmed when I finally spit it out.

There is one consolation to all this. At least it wasn’t me. I am a very trusting person as well, in theory this problem may have been mine if I were in a state of tenderheartedness for someone’s sob-story. I am not the one in trouble and I have the answers this person needs. I just need to remember not to say, “I told you so”, which is going to be really hard. The reason for my hesitation? If this person really respected my opinion, they would have listened to me in the first place. They could have avoided this issue all-together, what makes me think they will listen now? Why should I spend my energies on someone who has proven not to listen to me in the past? I am a firm believer in the fact that G-d give us only a certain amount of words to use on this earth. I weigh my words very carefully and I wonder if this is an exercise in futility.

If You Could, Would You?

This is  a great dating game. Dating can be difficult if you are not the creative type, no worries though, here is something that can help you out! I have a friend Neil who owned (it’s still in our possession) a book with tons of questions, that was a great tool to use on a date to get to know someone. Sometimes things on a date get awkward and you run out of things to say or to ask.

As it happens, while driving to work this morning I asked my husband an “If you could, would you” question (that as far as I know is NOT in the book but I thought about how it’s like the same idea).

While the actual question I asked him is irrelevant and private – it had me thinking along the lines of other like questions:

So I posed these to him:  (my answers are in red)

If you could grow wings and have the ability to fly, would you want them? (no)

If you could roller blade to work and not worry about getting hurt (from traffic), would you? (probably only once)

Now I can’t stop thinking about various scenarios and what I would do.  Here is a list of 15 questions I came up with. Feel free to use any of them on your next date!

  1. If you could sleep whenever you wanted without any repercussions, would you? (Heck, yeah!)
  2. If you could eat hot dogs every day, would you? (For the first week, maybe)
  3. If you could choose any job in the world, would you care about the hours? (Not if I really loved it)
  4. If you had the ability to understand animals, would you want the ability to speak back to them? (Definitely)
  5. If you could be any height you wished, would you choose to be taller? (No-brainer)
  6. If you could have microscope glasses, would you wear them all the time? – This one intrigued me most. (I think I’d get a headache and never be able to focus on anything in particular. It would be like when you play the game Tetris for too long then close your eyes and you still see pieces falling!)
  7. If you could blink your eyes and transport your body to any other place, would you? (Now, this is a cool concept, but I’d be afraid)
  8. If you could communicate with the dead, would you? (NO WAY!)
  9. If you could dial any number at random at no cost, would you start conversations with anyone who answers? (You know I would)
  10. If you could live in The Igloo Village in Kakslauttanen, Finland, would you. (I’d want to vacation there – but not live there)
  11. If you could swim as fast as a shark, would you challenge it to a race (assuming you already answered yes to #4)? (I am possibly the world’s worst swimmer – and no, since he can swim as fast as me – he can gobble me up just as quickly if he were upset about losing!)
  12. If you could join the circus, would you? (Nah, those artsy people are kinda’ weird)
  13. If you could be sure about winning a food eating contest (for no other prize besides the satisfaction of being called the winner) would you enter? http://eatfeats.com/category/eating-challenges (this is so gross – I can’t believe how many there are)
  14. If you could be a guest on a television series (reality show perhaps with a chance to win tons of cash) but would walk away with less dignity, would you be willing to sign a disclaimer that they could use whatever unedited version the  producers chose? (tempting – but no. No amount of money is worth degrading yourself)
  15. If you could, would you? Mooing for money. Check this out

Mooing

MooingWhen it comes to mooing, 10-year-old Austin Siok is an expert. The Dyer Intermediate School fifth-grader won an annual mooing contest at the Wisconsin State Fair because he sounded more like a real cow than the other about 80 contest participants. Austin has mooed a lot since kindergarten and said he started doing it even more this summer after his family read about a mooing contest at the Racine County Fair and decided to enter Austin. Austin practiced enough that he did well in the Racine County Fair contest and qualified to compete at the State Fair last Wednesday. He ended up winning the contest, which was for anyone over age 5, after a moo-off with the second place winner. For his win, Austin got $1,000, a cow print jacket, a golden cowbell and a year’s worth of free subs from Cousins Subs, which sponsored the contest. (Link)
Read more at http://www.oddee.com/item_97171.aspx#1poxgvyuU0oy2e17.99

How cute is that little guy? Weird Stuff On Wednesday has been saved by little Austin Siok! Thanks, kiddo!

Feel free to answer any of the questions above or leave comments below. I’m interested in hearing what you have to say. I’d also love to hear the questions you’d come up, ‘if you could, would you?’ You can really get to learn a lot about people, whether you are dating them or just hanging out with your already significant other – it sure is a fun way to pass the morning drive to work when there is traffic. I had lots of fun thinking up these 15 questions. I will also take requests: if you have an idea for a topic for Weird Stuff on Wednesday, I’d be more than willing to oblige and do the research and write something up about your idea!

It’s All Good…she said sarcastically

https://i0.wp.com/sacredsandwich.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/avoidance.jpgThere are actually some people who care how you are when they ask you, “hey, how are you?” or “sup?” with a slight head nod. However, most people use it as a greeting and do NOT expect, want or mean to hear a 20 minute story about your awful morning or the fact that you didn’t hear the alarm buzzer go off and your whole morning was basically thrown off kilter. They could care less and are just doing what they can and achieving the slightest degree of having good manners when passing you. The common response is, “good thanks and you?”, but do you care? You might. They’ll probably just respond, “great thanks”. End of conversation. This makes me sad. I’m not all crunchy-granola and think we need to feed each other rainbows and hug all day,  but I do feel like connecting more with people. Though I’ve heard people give advice and I am probably at fault as well, for saying: “No matter what you do people will always have something negative to say”. Why can’t we say the opposite? We need more positivity. Especially if you see someone in a grumpy mood or having a cranky-pants, bad-hair day, make the effort to listen for a few minutes, offer up ANYTHING positive and be helpful.

Lets start speaking nicer to each other. If you do not want to ask the other person, how is your day going….then don’t ask. Just say hello. No harm, no foul.

Where do we draw the line at being honest though? For every time I have responded “fine, thanks” and smiled to the passerby when inside I want to roar like a lion and cry like a baby all at the same time, I may be possibly cheating myself out of getting cheered up, or worse, smiling.

Yes, it is important to have those angry/sad/bloated and obnoxious feelings and deal with them in the proper fashion, like screaming in a pillow/eating a tub of ice cream/wearing fat pants and crying at Kleenex commercials. So again, where do we draw the line and cut the niceties?

I’m not sure I know. I mean, I get paid primarily to smile mostly all day and am generally in a cheery disposition and ready to help those that come asking. There is a part of me that says – lie, lie, lie. Your life is not EVERYONE’s business.

While this didn’t actually happen to me, any woman reading this will get what I’m trying to say:

That poor shlub, was trying to be polite and you’ve just detoured him into a 20 minute saga of your pathetic run in with the landlord who won’t fix your leak and that while he was screaming at you that it was your fault, your child pooped his pants, and you had no spare pants or underwear so you wrapped him in a towel that had tire grease from the back of the car where you left it, last Tuesday when you got a flat on the way to the dentist for a root canal that killed and caused you a major migraine that made you miss the Ladies Night Out that clearly you really needed.

Here I think, yeah it’s probably best to go with  “fine, thanks”. Why, you ask? Because honesty is not always the best policy. By sharing all that, you create awkwardness and with that, you can guarantee that shlub is going to avoid you from now on if he can.

My point is lets find a balance. Lets say: “it’s been a rough few days so its bound to get better” – then the shlub has a chance to follow through, you’ve laid it out there, given them an opportunity to be nice and inquire further or part with cheery helpful responses.

This is all on my mind, because it’s blatantly obvious that my morning started out rough. However, I aim to make it more positive, I promise to stop dumping out my utterly descriptive detailed blow-by-blow, and work on my responses to the basic, ‘how are you’ questions.  If you promise me one thing, feed me a rainbow every once in  while.